Before Erev Yom Kippur

Dr. Mel Waldman

Before
Erev Yom Kippur,

I
sat in Dunkin Donuts, drank coffee, & pondered the 10 Days of Awe.

During Rosh Hashanah,
I prayed in the Tree of Life shul. At times, my flesh failed me.
I suffered much physical pain. I traveled between 2 worlds—
the primitive & the holy, our earthly realm & the
mystical universe of Hashem.

My wife Michelle
is in Menorah Nursing Home. She has a rare cancer—multiple myeloma.
She too suffers with physical pain. But still, she illuminates
my wounded soul.

Hashem is unknowable. Yet I long to be close to Him.

Before
Erev Yom Kippur,

I
pondered the 10 Days of Awe, drifted off & descended the antediluvian
stairs of my soul to a barren place.

Before
Erev Yom Kippur,

2
young men sat nearby, talked about 2 homeless men fighting for
20 dollars. They laughed uproariously and guffawed.

I was silent.

We possess or are possessed by the universe of good & evil within.

But when I listened to the young men, only teenagers,
I discovered their beauty.

A few minutes rushed forth like a stallion galloping
toward the Heavens or young and old Chassidic men
dancing ecstatically at a wedding, and suddenly,
they called their Rabbi.

“Rabbi, how can we help you? What do you need? We want to help!”

Before
Erev Yom Kippur,

I pondered the 10 Days of Awe. I thought about the unfathomable soul
and its struggle between Yetzer HaTov & Yetzer HaRa.

Kabbalists say that the soul exists before birth and after death, it
continues to be. Its divine mission is Tikkun Olam, “repairing the world.”
It also mends itself.

The soul is a mystery.

I thought about the Tree of Life and my wife who nurtures my broken soul.
She embraces divinity.

Even in my pain, I rush slowly to Hashem.
Hashem is unknowable. Yet I long to be close to Him.