The Metaphysical Balance Of The Universe

Mel Waldman  

(Inspired by a conversation with Rabbi Zalmen)

Long ago,
in the vastness of my past, at the Tree of Life shul,
I studied Hebrew, prepared for my bar mitzvah, and
prayed to Hashem, our G-d, the Ein Sof, the Without End.

I was a young man of deep faith.

Some,
like Mr. Kaman, the shamash, and Mrs. Koenig, my Hebrew
teacher, thought I was destined to be a rabbi. It wasn’t
bashert.

Seven years
of trauma passed, and with Mother’s death and Father’s wrath
came the shattering of my faith – a sacred realm of calmness,
well-being, trust, and awe, nestled within my soul – the holy
universe hidden within.

Father expelled me from our home. I went into exile.

My being exploded! My mournful soul
shattered by loss and betrayal into broken glass.
I thought it would never mend.

Yet perhaps, by Hashem’s design,
in 1978, I found a Brooklyn apartment across from
Congregation Etz Chaim of Flatbush,
our family shul.

I returned home.  

Still,
decades galloped by, bereft of faith, I thought.
But always, across time & space, Chabad Jews  found me,
often in Dunkin’ Donuts, and helped me put on tefillin while
saying the holy prayers.

Israel,
my Chabad friend, comes most Fridays, and puts efillin on me as
we recite the holy words. After, he asks me to express additional
prayers. I reach out to Hashem across the invisible universe and
pray for perfect health for my wife Michelle, who has multiple
myeloma, cancer of the plasma cells. Overflowing with love,
she is close to Hashem.

Michelle,
my beautiful warrior wife, is in Menorah Nursing Home
relearning how to walk with a walker. She inspires me to
be my higher self. I too am learning to walk in the presence
of the Without End, the Ein Sof.   

When I put tefillin on, I feel close to Hashem.

Once
Orthodox, I now exist between the secular and religious world,
my soul swinging back and forth, in the divine pendulum of
faith and doubt, in search of Hashem.

I yearn for the Divine Presence of Hashem!

A few years ago,
I met Rabbi Zalmen, an ebullient man overflowing with the joy of Hashem. The holy luminary offered to be my mentor. We did not
speak again until we met by chance earlier this year
on a summer night.

“I don’t do much,” I told him. “I go to the Tree of Life once a year.
I put on tefillin most Fridays and feel close to Hashem.”

Rabbi Zalmen
revealed the meaning of my few mitzvot. “They change the balance
of the universe.”

Each mitzvah
affects the cosmos, increases spirituality and alters the metaphysical balance,
feeding and filling the invisible universe with divinity.

My soul
swings back and forth, in the divine pendulum of faith and doubt, in search
of Hashem.

On a summer night,
a chance meeting changed the metaphysical balance of my life.

I yearn for the Divine Presence of Hashem! I perform mitzvot and search for Him
everywhere in the vastness. Even the darkness conceals the
scattered sparks of divinity, waiting to be discovered and
released, bringing me closer to redemption.